One of my big Aparigraha challenges, travel. We get attached to the idea of a place before we even arrive, especially famous places. Practicing Tree Pose on the Great Wall of China.

The first two limbs of the 8 limbs of yoga are the yamas and niyamas or the restraints and observances. These practices are guides to govern our interactions with the greater world and also our inner world. Although these practices are hard to master (you can spend a lifetime working on them), they  are invaluable and can help better our daily life when introduced.

Aparigraha, the fifth yama, is translated as non-possessiveness, non-greed, non-grasping and most commonly non-attachment. These translations while inter-related are not exactly the same. Each plays a crucial role in exactly what Aparigraha truly is and how it can be practiced and integrated into your life.

Non-attachment has become a buzz phrase in recent years and worked its way into the wider culture, but what does it actually mean? Let me start off by saying it does not mean apathy or non-emotion or dispassion. It means non-clinging, non-gripping and as above non-grasping. An integral part of non-attachment is expectation. As humans, we have expectations, it’s hard wired. It’s how we have survived and not succumbed to extinction and evolved. Our past experiences inform our expectations and our expectations therefore inform our experiences. (Yes, very “chicken or egg.”) When our expectations of a certain outcome begin to take over enjoyment and being in the present moment, that is when we cross over to attachment. We grip, we “white knuckle” our way through things, we hold on, and  we get upset when things don’t match up to our expectations and we get very very attached to our expected outcomes.

This practice is  particularly hard with loved ones and people in our everyday lives. We often find ourselves expecting specific outcomes of interactions. We even get attached to models of interaction. For example, my past experience tells me that my interaction with this person should go this particular way, we get attached to this way because it is the reference we have for a situation or interaction. When it doesn’t go according to plan, we oftentimes react badly internally or externally. We can get agitated and disappointed, we act out in small or large way. 

I know what you are thinking, but Sawrah, I can’t let go of these expectations. I can’t let go of control. I can’t let go of fear. I get it, believe me I do, I am also a work in progress. One of the best ways I have found to work with attachment and nonattachment is gratitude. When we have a regular gratitude practice, non-greed and non-possessiveness slowly begin to dissipate, we begin to loosen the grip. As we realize what we have, we often see a shift in priorities and assign importance to different things. If we know what we have, we desire and attach to what others have less, we begin to see value in places we did not before. This can mean material things, interpersonal relationships, wider culture or in yourself (among others).  Again, this is not apathy or throwing our hands up in defeat. It is taking the breath and time we need to examine what we have. If you do not have a gratitude practice, start small. I am grateful for my breath. I am grateful to draw breath. This can be done a number of ways, a journal, simply using it as mantra and saying it silently to yourself, or even a gratitude alarm on your phone set to go off throughout the day. If these don’t resonate with you, find a way that works within your life. Start small, works small. It doesn’t have to be big and grand. The most important part of the practices are actually doing them.

I invite you to spend a few moments thinking about the role expectations and attachments play in your life. What do you cling to? What expectation do you think you can’t live without? How does expectation keep you out of the present moment?

So why am I telling you about this yama? I recently experienced an attachment challenge of my own. Sure I have them everyday but sometimes they show up in bigger ways that make you stand up and take notice. I recently signed up for a workshop at the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. A friend had told me about it and the topic, Introversion and Solitude in an Extroverted World, was exactly what I thought I was looking for. My birthday had just passed, bringing with it a myriad of expectations and attachments and I thought diving into some meditation and quiet solitude would be just what I needed. My expectations and attachments ramped up. I had been to this center before, so I knew what was there and what it looked like – attachment alert. I expected quiet time and lots of meditation – attachment alert. I expected a small group – attachment alert. I expected other yoga teachers – attachment alert. And on and on and on. I became aware of these expectations and attachments immediately after the first session of the weekend. I was dead wrong about everything. I got back to my room that first night and had to have a serious talk with myself about why I was so attached to the retreat being a certain way. I meditated, I practiced gratitude and assessed how my attachment was manifesting in my body and actions. I worked on releasing these expectations and attachments the rest of the retreat until I came to the place where I could enjoy it for what it actually was instead of what I thought it was going to be. I was able to take in the wealth of information provided not only by the actual teacher but by the group as a whole. I came away in gratitude only after I spent real time on my practices and was honest with myself about where I was clinging.  Work in progress…always.

Here are a few practices to help you work on Aparigraha.

Gratitude – Gratitude journal, gratitude alarm, gratitude mantra

Ganesha Mudra – Raise the right arm, shoulder height, bend at the elbow so that that right palm faces the heart (thumb up). Bring the left palm inside with the thumb facing down. Bend the fingers so that the fingers lock. Bend the fingers and slide the hands away from each other until the fingers lock. Inhale pull the elbows away from each other (keeping the hands clasped). Exhale loosen the grip keeping the hands clasped. Repeat with the breath for 10 – 20 breaths as needed.

If you would like you can also use the mantra for Ganesha with this practice (optional).  Repeat aloud or to yourself – Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha  

This mantra is for removing obstacles.

Balance Poses – Practice a balance pose that challenges you. Balance poses help bring us into the present moment, into our bodies and out of our expectations. Balance triggers expectation which helps us see it and work with it. Acceptance of a balance pose that doesn’t go “quite right” is a great way to practice non-attachment.

Note: Please keep in mind that this is not by any means an exhaustive listing of practices or description of this yama. One could spend years talking about each yama and niyama.