SAY YES!

Live Your Yoga.

One of the yogic principles I come back to again and again is the idea of abhysa and vairagya (in fact, I wrote about this in my first CMYW blog entry.  To boil abhysa down to a very simple idea, you might just say it means a big ole “Yes!” To say yes to all that is, to engage fully.

This is simple when you think about it in the more superficial way. There are all the platitudes on inspirational posters encouraging you to “reach for it, go for it, dream!” in pretty fonts, superimposed on a mountain landscape. And while really, I don’t think there is anything wrong with the sentiment, the idea is lost if its meaning doesn’t extend beyond the words. Or, maybe what I’m trying to say is that “saying yes” is easy, when it is easy to say yes. It’s easy to look at that beautiful mountain-scape on the poster and say, “heck yes!” But to say yes when it is hard that’s…well… hard. It is easy to say yes when we’re not unhappy, scared, or ashamed. “Yes” is exactly where we go when the route is simple, we feel okay, or we are sure of ourselves, but the road to yes can feel impossible when the work is difficult.

Let me tell you a little story. Eight years ago, on a balmy, August night, I met my now husband. We were at a mutual friend’s cookout. It was the end of the night, and I was parched and in search of water, while Tim was going to grab one last beer from the keg. I didn’t find any bottles of water, so the moment that Tim and I first met, I was scooping out the dirty ice water from around the keg. It wasn’t exactly romantic, but we ended up talking for hours, laughing at each other’s weird jokes, and were instantly smitten.

I could see from the start that he was a kind, generous, intelligent, hilariously funny man, but being young, and pretty unsure of what to do with that thumping thing inside my chest, I pushed him away. I’m not sure if I could name it all those years ago, but love was terrifying to me. At the time, love to me was insecurity, vulnerability, and risk. Deep down, I might have known I loved Tim, but I couldn’t yet let go and give in to yes.

Luckily, Tim persisted, and I eventually (read, years later) had a moment on my yoga mat where I said to myself, “what if I just said ‘yes?'” “What if I stopped putting up these walls?” “What if I could acknowledge this feeling that makes me feel vulnerable?” I did, and for the last four years, we’ve been two happy goofs. It took me saying “yes,” to what was right there in front of me to find such a profound happiness and endless well of love, and on Saturday, September 3^rd, I got to say ‘the big yes.’

Just the other day, a student asked about warrior I and II and expressed that they felt like a fight. I know this feeling, because it has occurred on my mat too, when I bring a kind of emotional armor, my breath is not as deep, I resist the poses, I find myself mad at the teacher or angry at some perceived lack in my physical practice. With practice though, I’ve started to take “the war” out of “warrior.” I don’t want my practice to be me versus myself. Practicing letting down some of those barriers and rather than seeing obstacles, practicing instead compassion and love. Practicing yes.
As always, the work we do on our mat is practice for all we’ll encounter in the world. Life tosses everything at us — the good, the bad, the ugly, and the kind, generous, hilariously funny goofs — say yes!!!

Love was hard when I wasn’t saying yes. Love became as simple as breathing as soon as I said yes.